In her new memoir You Can’t Have It All, Stassi Schroeder opens up about a profoundly painful chapter of her life.
The former Vanderpump Rules star, now 36, candidly describes the guilt she will carry forever after sending distressing photos of her self-harm injuries to her husband, Beau Clark.
Stassi, reflecting on this moment, calls it one of the “most vile and manipulative” actions she has ever taken.
Grappling with Self-Harm and Suicidal Thoughts
In her book, Stassi dives into her past struggles with self-harm, revealing how she had once battled suicidal thoughts and even contemplated jumping from a building.
She describes a particularly intense moment of anger towards Beau, who had gone out to dinner instead of staying with her.
In a fit of rage, Stassi texted and called him repeatedly before inflicting harm on herself and sending photos of her injuries to Beau and her friend Katie Maloney.
Stassi writes, “I was feral. I remember cutting the side of my hip.
This is the part that’s the hardest to write and admit.
It’s maybe one of the most vile, manipulative, horrible things I’ve ever done… If that’s not one of the most twisted and cruel things to do to someone, I don’t know what is. I’ll live with that guilt forever.”
Beau’s Response and Turning Point
After receiving the distressing images, Beau left his dinner to come home, where he spent most of the night on the phone with his mother.
The next morning, he made it clear that if such an incident ever happened again, even slightly, it would end their relationship.
Stassi credits this moment as the turning point that helped her stop self-harming.
“That was the last time I ever hurt myself. Beau saved me that day,” she writes.
Life with Beau and Family Milestones
Stassi and Beau began their relationship in 2017 and got engaged in 2019.
They had a small backyard wedding in September 2020 and welcomed their daughter, Hartford, in January 2021.
They celebrated their marriage again in May 2022 in Italy and welcomed their son, Messer Rhys, last September.
Struggles and Healing Journey
Stassi reflects on her 11-year struggle with self-harm and the intense feelings of sadness and anxiety she experienced.
She recounts moments when she considered driving into a building or jumping from her apartment.
She attributes part of her emotional turmoil to the suicide of her mentor, Luke, during her college years.
His death plunged her into a deep mental health spiral, causing her to isolate herself and experience overwhelming grief.
Facing the Past and Future Challenges
In a recent interview with Bustle, Stassi expressed her concern about how to explain her self-harm scars to her young daughter.
She worries about how to address these marks honestly, feeling uncomfortable about the prospect of keeping such a significant part of her past a secret.
“It just feels like it’s been a secret, and I don’t like secrets,” she says.
Her approach to living openly and sharing her story through podcasts is, in part, a way to reconcile with her past and embrace transparency.
Seeking Help
For those struggling with self-harm, help is available through the Crisis Text Line.
Text CONNECT to 741741 for free, confidential support 24/7 in English and Spanish.